Kawasaki Versys Forum banner

1 - 20 of 40 Posts

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
8,624 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
To a select few who will appreciate the warped sense of humor

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

_
> Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
>
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

> A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
>
> A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________

> Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

> A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not .... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
>
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
> A: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
>
> A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA)

> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________

> Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
>
> A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
>
> A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
16,150 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
539 Posts
Love it!!! It´s a shame that in the Uk we have such stupid people...tho not as many as the USA :D.

I don´t think the UK would be even allowed to publish something like that for fear of offending anyone and getting sued in the process.:mad:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,791 Posts
Q: Do motorcyclists have to ride on the left side of the road? (USA)

A: Only in King's Cross in order to avoid the hippo races and pedestrians exiting the Vienna Boys' Choir concerts. (Remember you have to sit on the right side of the motorcycle.)
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
16,150 Posts

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
8,624 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
Here is one for the Kiwis

Why New Zealand is in Trouble*



The population of this country is 4 million


2 million are retired


That leaves 2 million to do the work


There are 1.5 million in school


Leaving 500,000 to do the work


Of these, 450,000 are "employed" by the government


So there's only* 50,000* to do the work


4000 are in the armed forces, busy trying to catch Osama Bin-Laden


Which leaves just 46,600 to do the work


Take from that total the 10,000 unemployed people


Leaving just 36,600 left to do the work


At any given time there are 18,800 people in hospitals


Leaving 17,800 to do the work


Currently we have 17,798 people in prisons


That leaves just* two people* to do the work


You and me

*
And there you are*

*
Sitting on your **bottom*

*
At the computer, reading jokes*

*
Nice..... Real nice.*
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,791 Posts
Q: I am concerned about my family's safety. Are all Australians still convicts? (USA)

A: Yes, but our program of mainstreaming all convicts into the general population means you can hardly tell the difference. You may wish to exercise heightened situational awareness around motorcyclists, particularly in the vicinity of King's Cross following the hippo races and Vienna Boys' Choir concerts.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,444 Posts
Those are a riot! I especially like:

"All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets."

:p
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
228 Posts
For those not aware 'Kings cross' is Sydneys red light district. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kings_Cross,_New_South_Wales
My wife and I spent 10 days in Australia, 4 of which were in Kings Cross. Lol, awesome time. Between the strippers propositioning my wife and the drunk Aborigines we had a great time. :cheers:

Side note... we went in October of 2001, right after 9/11. Talk about an empty plane ride. I kept all the newspapers we got in Australia talking about the US striking back...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
374 Posts
Sounds just like people asking about Texas.

Do you all ride horses there?

Is there a Hitching post in front of every home?

How long does it take to hook the team to the Wagon in the morning?

Do you really like cooking out by a campfire every night?


Todd
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
739 Posts
Kiwi, you had me cracking up! It is especially funny that this was posted on an official tourism website.
Great humour!

I like the additional Q & As too, good going Bones.
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
8,624 Posts
Discussion Starter #19
Kiwi, you had me cracking up! It is especially funny that this was posted on an official tourism website.
Great humour!

I like the additional Q & As too, good going Bones.
Yep down under we call it as we see it, it was probably Bones asking the questions on that website
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,791 Posts
... it was probably Bones asking the questions on that website
(Curses...foiled again...:eek:)

Q: I want to have dinner with Crocodile Dundee. How often does he come back to Sydney from walkabout? (Netherlands)

A: Mr. Dundee operates on his own calendar, although often it coincides with the Great Migration of salt water crocodiles from Perth to Sydney. Stick to the railroad tracks and you're bound to run into him.
 
1 - 20 of 40 Posts
Top