I have this bookmarked from an actually local HD riders web site. I guess if they can make fun of themselves, we can help them
Diary of A Poseur
A look at the life and times of a modern Biker(tm). Transcribed by Tusk for a guy we'll call "Bob."
Picked up my new Harley(R) Softail(tm) Custom(tm) today! Wow, what a cool ride. My friends are really gonna be envious. I mean when I swing my leg over that iron steed and push that starter button, the feeling of that powerful V-twin roaring to life is just incredible.
Gotta figure out how to keep the helmet from messing up my hair though.
Remembered last night I forgot to get some leathers to complete "the look". Heading to the H-D(tm) shop later to get some. Also, gonna talk to Dave the shop manager about some louder pipes — these stock ones just don't quite "roar to life" like I thought. A Harley should sound like one — at least that's what I read in the latest issue of Easyriders. And besides, when I blip my throttle in the parking lot I want people to take notice!
Sure glad I got that new Gold Card in the mail the other day!
Well, I'm still waiting on my bike to get out of the shop. I guess I got started talking about customizing my new Softail(tm) Custom(tm) with the folks there at the shop and got carried away. But I am so excited about seeing it when it is done — it's gonna look so cool. I had a tough time deciding between the Live to Ride(tm) or the Custom Flames(tm) pseudo-gold-tone matching accessories. I went with the Flames(tm) — all my riding buddies have that Live to Ride stuff and I wanna be different!
According the Dave I need to do some other modifications to the motor if I really want to make the new pipes work right. So we decided on a better "cam" and "carb". I'm not sure what those are yet but American Iron says it is a good idea and I trust Dave.
They are still working on my bike. No big deal, it was kinda cloudy today anyhow and the temperature dropped to 65 degrees. If it's not done by the next riding weather day I'm gonna have to kick some serious ass! I can do that now!
Sunday, the shop is closed. I have been reading the Harley(tm) mags like there's no tomorrow looking for ideas. Saw a cool bike trailer I might have to get. Sturgis is just around the corner ya know! Got lots of customizing ideas too.
Tried to call H.O.G.(tm) for a Lifetime Membership- they have the coolest patches! Alas they are closed on Sunday. What's a biker supposed to do on Sundays anyhow???
Wow- what a difference! I picked up the ride today and it is so cool! The matching accessories really put the icing on the cake. When the sun hits that chrome and gold-tone it literally blinds you! Gonna have to hit the bars tonight down in Old Town and wow 'em.
Oh yeah, it runs better now too. Good and loud! $600 seems a little steep for more thunder, but hey you can't skimp on these things!
Raining today. Good thing because I have a terrible hangover.
Went to the garage to shine my iron steed and take a few pictures. Couldn't resist throwin' a leg over the saddle and firing her up. Broke a nail on the starter button — ouch! Need to talk to Dave about a safer button which is easier to push.
Still kinda wet outside, waiting for streets to dry.
Went for an epic ride today- my first! Rolled over the 100 mile mark on my odometer! My buddy Ted told me I had better watch out for the mileage because it'll reduce the resale value. Make a note to buy a new speedometer before I try to resell it, but I'll never sell this baby!
Wow what fun! Coupla girls in a convertible waved and blew kisses. Cool! This lifestyle rocks!
My hands and butt are sore today from all that hard time in the saddle yesterday. Need to talk to Dave about the vibration.
Loaded up the minivan for a short trip with the wife and kids to her parents' house. Sure wish I had that trailer now, I could take the Mean Motorscooter. Oh well.
Ten straight days of foul weather! I gotta move to California or someplace where it's always sunny. The wife is starting to complain about the space in the garage I am using. We had to move her Mary Kay stockroom to the shed outside and it got wet when the shed leaked.
I knew the weather had to break sometime. Even though the temperature is only 62 this morning I gotta ride. What are those Genuine leathers for anyhow?? Riding has really toughened me up.
Agreed to store my bike in the shed and let the wife put her May Kay boxes in the garage. The cost of domestic tranquility is directly related to the price of one's toys.
Guess I'll have to fix that leak!
Sore again today from riding. That Gunfighter(tm) seat sure looks good but is hell on the spine! Talked to Dave and he told me I would need some Vibration Dampeners installed. I argued that Iron Works had an article stating they don't really work that well (it's great being an informed consumer!). So I looked at the Dyna(tm) Wide-Glide(tm) since its motor is rubber-mounted. With almost 200 miles on my Softail already the dealer isn't going to give a real good trade deal, so I'll just avoid taking long trips.
Time to look seriously into that trailer.
Haven't made an entry for a while. Guess I've just been too busy to mess with riding, what with the job and the family. Decided to cruise down the the strip to see what's happening, maybe pick up some chicks with the boys. Straddled that baby and punch the starter (carefully- manicures are expensive!) and... nothing. Guess the battery went dead or something.
Called Dave to come and get this heap of junk and fix it.
Placed an ad in the local paper to sell the bike. Ted says if I sell now at the height of the riding season I can make a bunch of money on the deal and maybe go get the Dyna(tm) or maybe a Road King Classic(tm). I really like those Anniverary colors too!
(Author's Note: for all those who are disadvantaged in the humor department, this is intended to be a parody and not actual fact — although it is based on the author's observations of actual fact. The names have been changed to protect the guilty. If you are offended, get over it. etc., etc.)