Pre-ride Checklist....Harley version - Kawasaki Versys Forum
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-06-2010, 08:06 AM Thread Starter
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Pre-ride Checklist....Harley version

From a sportsbike forum. See if this offends you as much as it did me. ;-P

Harley rider pre-ride check off list:
1. Comb baseball player goatee and mustache
2. Spend 6- hours polishing gaudy chrome pieces. Be sure people can read the �Live to ride�ride to live� statement on gas tank lid.
3. Assure suspension can handle at least 560 pounds of rider
4. Pack cell phone and have tow service numbers programmed.
5. Look in mirror and perfect the �I�m a bad ass mother****er� harley riding scowl.
6. Affix tassels from daughters bicycle to handle bars for added gay appearance.
7. Test flashers for when bike breaks down (99% probability)
8. Put on your wrist brace to help carpal tunnel from all of the unnecessary revving
9. Leather pants
10. Gloves
11. Wrap around sunglasses
12. Skull cap (German soldier type for the real badasses). Remember to think about the SAFETY aspect/argument of loud pipes as putting that potato chip on head. The real tough guys here will wear a bandana over their face (some with a skull) to look really scary----ooooh!
13. CAT work boots (new)
14. Leather vest with some �chapter� like: North chapter of pig ****ing obese attention whore douche bags with fat ugly loud mouth wives.
15. HD t-shirt (of course). Because everyone needs to know what shop you paid $40 for a $5 hanes shirt at.
16. Remove baffles from pipes so EVERYONE can hear you going 18mph in 2nd gear at redline. Note: Most HD break down before hitting 2nd gear.
17. Starbucks gift card: This is usually your hangout--------------how tough.
18. Call friends with similar ridiculous motorcycle (WW2 outdated technology garbage) and pathetic store bought image (gay pirate from the Castro) attire. Have them ATTEMPT to meet you at the starbucks without breaking down or crashing due to being distracted from looking at themselves in their chrome.
19. Five packs of Marlboro reds to smoke while riding to look extra cool
20. Slam a 6 pack of Zima prior to ride.
21. Saddle bags attached to pick up and store broken parts that fall off bike as you ride/push (if you can call it riding without laughing) that hunk of **** down the road.

Ride To Live, Live To, really!
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-06-2010, 08:16 AM
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Torn and unwashed jeans, with stud belt and half your backside seen.
Extra stomach on fuel tank to get better aerodynamic at 20mph.
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-06-2010, 08:20 AM
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-06-2010, 11:47 AM
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22. Remind yourself not to wave or acknowledge anyone riding any bike other than a Harley; they are not worthy.
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-06-2010, 01:28 PM
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-06-2010, 01:59 PM
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harley = fail
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-06-2010, 10:42 PM
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I always loved the Harleys for the image, everything else with it is for the birds. Especially the polishing crome part, NEVER AGAIN!

Agree with you Jake by todays standards, WWII was a different time.
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-06-2010, 10:58 PM
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Talking Uh yeah

Harley guys bash us (wanna be adventure riders)....we bash Harley guys (wanna be Easy Riders)...everybody bashes scooter guys (wanna move out of my parents basement riders).

Me, I just wave at everybody and enjoy the show.

P.S. I have a V, a Yamaharley and a I need help, at least I'm not in mom and dad's basement!
Does Givi make tassels?

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Last edited by Bicyclebob; 07-06-2010 at 11:02 PM.
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-07-2010, 06:25 AM
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Hey my "Yamaharley" has tassels, manley tassels!

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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-07-2010, 07:44 PM
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Coming home from work and saw the poster child for the checklist. I looked over and started laughing - I think he thought I was a bit looney - certainly not used to someone laughing at the site of his Nazi helmet wearing, goatee scowling, studded belt wearing tassle bearing HD persona!

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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-08-2010, 11:30 AM
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Originally Posted by tommylikesbeer View Post
Hey my "Yamaharley" has tassels, manley tassels!

AIN'T no such thing as "manly" tassels! That's kind of like saying "manly eyeshadow"....

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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-11-2010, 07:18 AM
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Diary of a Poseur

I have this bookmarked from an actually local HD riders web site. I guess if they can make fun of themselves, we can help them


Diary of A Poseur

A look at the life and times of a modern Biker(tm). Transcribed by Tusk for a guy we'll call "Bob."


Day 1

Picked up my new Harley(R) Softail(tm) Custom(tm) today! Wow, what a cool ride. My friends are really gonna be envious. I mean when I swing my leg over that iron steed and push that starter button, the feeling of that powerful V-twin roaring to life is just incredible.

Gotta figure out how to keep the helmet from messing up my hair though.

Day 2

Remembered last night I forgot to get some leathers to complete "the look". Heading to the H-D(tm) shop later to get some. Also, gonna talk to Dave the shop manager about some louder pipes these stock ones just don't quite "roar to life" like I thought. A Harley should sound like one at least that's what I read in the latest issue of Easyriders. And besides, when I blip my throttle in the parking lot I want people to take notice!

Sure glad I got that new Gold Card in the mail the other day!

Day 3

Well, I'm still waiting on my bike to get out of the shop. I guess I got started talking about customizing my new Softail(tm) Custom(tm) with the folks there at the shop and got carried away. But I am so excited about seeing it when it is done it's gonna look so cool. I had a tough time deciding between the Live to Ride(tm) or the Custom Flames(tm) pseudo-gold-tone matching accessories. I went with the Flames(tm) all my riding buddies have that Live to Ride stuff and I wanna be different!

According the Dave I need to do some other modifications to the motor if I really want to make the new pipes work right. So we decided on a better "cam" and "carb". I'm not sure what those are yet but American Iron says it is a good idea and I trust Dave.

Day 4

They are still working on my bike. No big deal, it was kinda cloudy today anyhow and the temperature dropped to 65 degrees. If it's not done by the next riding weather day I'm gonna have to kick some serious ass! I can do that now!

Day 5

Sunday, the shop is closed. I have been reading the Harley(tm) mags like there's no tomorrow looking for ideas. Saw a cool bike trailer I might have to get. Sturgis is just around the corner ya know! Got lots of customizing ideas too.

Tried to call H.O.G.(tm) for a Lifetime Membership- they have the coolest patches! Alas they are closed on Sunday. What's a biker supposed to do on Sundays anyhow???

Day 6

Wow- what a difference! I picked up the ride today and it is so cool! The matching accessories really put the icing on the cake. When the sun hits that chrome and gold-tone it literally blinds you! Gonna have to hit the bars tonight down in Old Town and wow 'em.

Oh yeah, it runs better now too. Good and loud! $600 seems a little steep for more thunder, but hey you can't skimp on these things!

Day 7

Raining today. Good thing because I have a terrible hangover.

Went to the garage to shine my iron steed and take a few pictures. Couldn't resist throwin' a leg over the saddle and firing her up. Broke a nail on the starter button ouch! Need to talk to Dave about a safer button which is easier to push.

Day 8

Still kinda wet outside, waiting for streets to dry.

Day 9

Went for an epic ride today- my first! Rolled over the 100 mile mark on my odometer! My buddy Ted told me I had better watch out for the mileage because it'll reduce the resale value. Make a note to buy a new speedometer before I try to resell it, but I'll never sell this baby!

Wow what fun! Coupla girls in a convertible waved and blew kisses. Cool! This lifestyle rocks!

Day 10

My hands and butt are sore today from all that hard time in the saddle yesterday. Need to talk to Dave about the vibration.

Day 11

Loaded up the minivan for a short trip with the wife and kids to her parents' house. Sure wish I had that trailer now, I could take the Mean Motorscooter. Oh well.

Day 21

Ten straight days of foul weather! I gotta move to California or someplace where it's always sunny. The wife is starting to complain about the space in the garage I am using. We had to move her Mary Kay stockroom to the shed outside and it got wet when the shed leaked.

Day 22

I knew the weather had to break sometime. Even though the temperature is only 62 this morning I gotta ride. What are those Genuine leathers for anyhow?? Riding has really toughened me up.

Agreed to store my bike in the shed and let the wife put her May Kay boxes in the garage. The cost of domestic tranquility is directly related to the price of one's toys.

Guess I'll have to fix that leak!

Day 23

Sore again today from riding. That Gunfighter(tm) seat sure looks good but is hell on the spine! Talked to Dave and he told me I would need some Vibration Dampeners installed. I argued that Iron Works had an article stating they don't really work that well (it's great being an informed consumer!). So I looked at the Dyna(tm) Wide-Glide(tm) since its motor is rubber-mounted. With almost 200 miles on my Softail already the dealer isn't going to give a real good trade deal, so I'll just avoid taking long trips.

Time to look seriously into that trailer.

Day 50-something

Haven't made an entry for a while. Guess I've just been too busy to mess with riding, what with the job and the family. Decided to cruise down the the strip to see what's happening, maybe pick up some chicks with the boys. Straddled that baby and punch the starter (carefully- manicures are expensive!) and... nothing. Guess the battery went dead or something.

Called Dave to come and get this heap of junk and fix it.

Placed an ad in the local paper to sell the bike. Ted says if I sell now at the height of the riding season I can make a bunch of money on the deal and maybe go get the Dyna(tm) or maybe a Road King Classic(tm). I really like those Anniverary colors too!

(Author's Note: for all those who are disadvantaged in the humor department, this is intended to be a parody and not actual fact although it is based on the author's observations of actual fact. The names have been changed to protect the guilty. If you are offended, get over it. etc., etc.)

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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-11-2010, 07:53 PM
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Re: HD

The Sturgis is a biker rally?

I thought it was a Willy Nelson look alike contest...
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