Jerkython 2010! Curse you Physics! (56k join us in the cone of shame) - Kawasaki Versys Forum
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-01-2010, 12:31 PM Thread Starter
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Jerkython 2010! Curse you Physics! (56k join us in the cone of shame)

So, it’s that time again! Jerkython 2010: The Devil made me do it!

For those of you who follow the saga, the 2008 Jerkython was fun, the 2009 Jerkython was frightening, and now I bring you Jerkython 2010! With so much meat the ladies have cut us off.

The ingredients list for this year is as follows:
2 Gal Worcestershire Sauce, 2 Gal Soy Sauce, 2 Gal Molasses, 1.5 Qt Pineapple Juice, 4 bottles of Mrs. Dash Extra Spicy, Onion Powder, 15lb + 1 bear Honey, Garlic powder, 1 Bottle Liquid Smoke, Secret Ingredient: Mesquite Seasoning, Whole Pepper and

[large]80 POUNDS OF MEAT!!!![/large]

We went epic this year, and had to include the “Badass Magnets” again.

We cheated this year and went to a local butcher to have the meat ordered and sliced for us. The thought of 8-10 brisket primal by hand was just too much.

We couldn’t find the bathroom scale for the weigh-in this year, we figure it’s cowering in a hole somewhere. We do know that the butcher hit the 74lb goal with half a brisket left, so he finished us off. Total was 80lb finished and trimmed.
We had to do the traditional shot trying to hold the meat. Since it was in 2 pans this year we didn’t dare try one in each hand. I wish she would have taken the picture faster, those things were HEAVY!!

Our ingredients list was a bit more impressive this year. We got a second bucket for brine so we wouldn’t run into the not-enough-space physics thing from last year.

Fine grinding all the spices for better absorption. She tried to take a photo of the secret ingredient, but we caught it in editing. 11 herbs and spices my ass! Granted, we made it a little too fine, holding ones breath to prevent sneezing was a trial.

Time to fill the buckets!

Gently fold in the finely ground spices…

We got smarter and went with molasses this year. Much sweeter per pound.

We realized that the last few years we had somehow omitted an acid to break down the meat. Pineapple juice fills this role nicely.

2 gallons of molasses and we STILL needed more honey! Sheesh!

Yeah, the bear had to go.

Molasses good! Huurrrrrr!

That’s a nice spicy-sweet mix right there!

We hope a 16 foot long vacuum bag will be enough. They come in 16 foot rolls so we don’t really have much of an option do we?

Triple sealed for safety!

Time to start filling the bag, 1 handful of juicy, raw, all organic, grass fed cow meat! Woot!

Trojan Uber-Mega-Super-Duper Magnum! For all your meat-wrapping needs! At least I’m never lonely on a Saturday night. :P

1 pan of meat in, 1 to go!

It’s like wrestling an Anaconda! Or an overly large snausage. 
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-01-2010, 12:32 PM Thread Starter
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Where’s a professional masseuse or little Asian lady when you knead one? Sheesh!

The counter top just wasn’t gonna cut it, but hey, that’s what entry ways are for, right!

Time to add the brine. Using the largest measuring cup we had, it still took quite a while to pour it all in there.

A beautiful shot of the brine working its way between the meat. MMmmmmmm!

Had to make sure we had all the spicy-honey bits off the bottom of the bucket.

Massage that meat! Use both hands! Woot! I’m lovin’ it!

Obligatory phallic shot!

Somehow we’ll get it packed in the bin…

Whew! That thing’s HEAVY AS HELL!!

More to come! We will be brining for a week and next Sunday we’ll be racking out and putting it on the fans to dry. I’ll post more pics then!


Feb 28th Update! Rack Time!

OK, Twice the meat, and a little over twice the racks. We should be good with 42 racks plus backups.

Wrestling the Anaconda again! This thing feels a LOT heavier for some reason.

Bring on the “Precision Implements” for “Fluid Extraction” (READ: Drain the bag.)

Mmm… look at that beautiful brine! I understand why our butcher wants some of it to play with. Smells AWESOME!

Manly Man! Holding up the meat of the world! There should be a comic about that, or at least a cameo in Axe Cop.

There was some spillage.. but just a little… his wife was there to lick it clean.

The racking begins! The color and smell were wonderful! The taste was better!! (Quality control is very important at Ogre Labs)

Placement on the 2 drying racks begins. We actually got the sizing right this year!

Some of these slices are works of art. Here’s a trio of perfect slices.

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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-01-2010, 12:35 PM Thread Starter
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Well, physics rears its ugly head once again. So here’s all the racks loaded and beginning the drying process:

And here’s the meat we have left over:


I do not like the cone of shame….

Plan B: Roll and freeze the meat for… umm… for wedding favors! Yeah! That’s the plan!

Chicken Sucker FTW!

OK, so about 30lb of meat for later. I feel like a failure not only as a man, but as a meat slinger…

It’s going to be a few weeks before we unpack these, but I’ll post more pics then for you all!

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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-01-2010, 03:05 PM
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-01-2010, 04:05 PM
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um, where you guys located? :insert drool smilie here:
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