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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-02-2010, 02:43 AM Thread Starter
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Talking For a laugh: tell your jokes

I want to try to translate and adapt a joke from italian to english.

A man went to his doctor and described his problems.
The doctor listens carefully and said:
- Tomorrow morning at 10:00 give me your fresh urine in a sterile glass. Warning, before to urinate you must be on a empty stomach.

The morning after at 8:00 the man was hungry:
- I can't wait! I need to eat!
The man had breackfast, later brought to the doctor the glass with urine.
The doctor watched the urine, he smelt and tasted it like a wine waiter and said:
- I said you must was on an empty stomach before to fill the glass!
- Sure, I didn't eat before to fill the glass.
- You lie! You had breackfast and ate two eggs, 5 strips of bacon, three slices of toasted bread and drank an apple juice. Tomorrow morning at 10:00 give me your fresh urine on an empty stomach!

The man was shocked. The morning after the man tryed to wait:
- Oh, I can't wait, I'm too hungry!! I'll have a light breackfast!.

Later he brought his urine to the doctor. The doctor watched it, he smelt and tasted it like a wine waiter and said:
- Do you really want a cure?
-Sure!
- Why don't you do what I say! At 8:30 you went to Blue Moon Cafe in Giune Street and ate a walnut muffin and drank an orange juice. Tomorrow morning at 10:00 give me your fresh urine on an empty stomach!!

The man was very shocked.
- That's very impossible, unbelievable!! I have an idea! I want to see now what he will do...

The morning after the man took the urine by his daughter, went in the garage, took the bar for check the oil level of his car, put some drips of oil in the urine and shook it. Later he went to the doctor, gave him the urine and sneered.
The doctor watched the urine, smelt and tasted it like a wine waiter and said:
- Why you laugh? Your car has a demaged piston and your daughter is get pregnant!


If you see same errors or you have suggestions for a better editing, please contact me.


Tell your jokes!

Bye

Nobody thinks that something is so easy like who is totally unable to do it.

Kawasaki Versys 07 Orange
Ex Aprilia Pegaso 96 Blue
Ex Suzuki DR 350 91

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Last edited by duffyduck1; 05-02-2010 at 01:08 AM.
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-02-2010, 07:43 AM
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Good one.

81 Honda CB750F with Jupiter sidecar, 82 Honda CB750F, 86 Yamaha Radian, 87 BMW K100RS, 2002 Honda XR 200R, 2007 Suzuki Bandit 1250, 2009 Green Versys, 2010 Kawasaki Vukcan 900 Custom
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-02-2010, 09:27 AM
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DD, did you get the name of the doc? I'd like to send him a sample of my oil.
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-02-2010, 06:25 PM
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Well done on the translation

Regards,

Dave

2009 Versys (Metallic Moon dust Gray) Speedy lowering pegs, Speedy Kick stand pad, Speedy Mirror extensions, Vario Windshield, Oxford heated grips and SW-Motech Engine Guards.
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-05-2010, 08:03 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks

Come on guys!
Doesn't you know some jokes?
I don't believe it!!

Write your jokes

Nobody thinks that something is so easy like who is totally unable to do it.

Kawasaki Versys 07 Orange
Ex Aprilia Pegaso 96 Blue
Ex Suzuki DR 350 91

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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-05-2010, 03:42 PM
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*Once upon a time, a guy asked a beautiful girl 'Will you marry me?'*

*The girl said, 'NO!'*

*And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went
fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and
had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.*


*The end*
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-25-2010, 03:57 PM
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Great! You're english is improving.

My wife and I were in Italy, Spain and England last summer and we loved Rome. We decided that someday we're going to tour Europe on a big motorcycle. We'll take a month or more and just drive, eat and stay in beautiful hotels.

MDL
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-25-2010, 05:36 PM
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The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and
decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra,
stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to
exchange notes.

Here's how it all went :
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over
he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw
me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made
passionate love all nightlong.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at
his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels
and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he
started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the
black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came
in the door and saw me he said,

"What's for dinner,Batman?"

"life is not a dress rehearsal"
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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-25-2010, 07:17 PM
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SNORING

The guys were all at a deer camp.

No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing -- hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I couldn't sleep. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night.

Bob sat up and watched me all night."
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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-26-2010, 04:30 AM
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2 loving ladies next door asked what I wanted for my birthday.
I was quite surprised when the gave me a Rolex watch.
It was very nice of them but I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch".

My V Blog:
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Ride safe,
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post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-26-2010, 09:33 AM
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A riddle:
What do you get when you cross a stool with a gun?
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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 03-03-2010, 07:42 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack2of3 View Post
A riddle:
What do you get when you cross a stool with a gun?
I don't know...

Another joke:

When you tell this joke, when you ask baby's questions, you must to hit repeatedly with your finger the forehead of person who listen.

A baby was just birth and was in midwife's arms. He hit repeatedly her forehead by his finger and said:
Are you daddy?
No, darling!
And she put him in mother's arms.
He hit repeatedly her forehead by his finger and said:
Are you daddy?
No, darling!
And she put him in father's arms.
He hit repeatedly his forehead by his finger and said:
Are you daddy?
Yes!!
It's irritating, isn't it?

Nobody thinks that something is so easy like who is totally unable to do it.

Kawasaki Versys 07 Orange
Ex Aprilia Pegaso 96 Blue
Ex Suzuki DR 350 91

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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 03-03-2010, 07:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack2of3 View Post
A riddle:
What do you get when you cross a stool with a gun?
An "arm"ed chair.
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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 03-29-2010, 09:09 AM
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i GO FISING WIT MY TWO BUDDIES... WE RENT A BOAT AND A GUIDE FOR 10 DOLLARS EACH(30 bucks total) we have such a great time that the guide gives us 5 bucks back....I say"thats very nice of you...you did't need to do that"..so me and my buddies give the guy a 2 dollar tip....beautiful RIGHT... wrong...do the math .... we paid 9 dollars each...plus a 2 buck tip...3x9=27...+2 bucks =29

Don't Get Cabin Fever!
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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 03-29-2010, 11:18 AM
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I go to my doctor the other day for a physical...she tells me I'M GOING TO HAVE TO STOP masterb....., I LOOK AT HER AND SAY C'MON DOC ...I QUIT SMOKIN'..I QUITE DRINKIN' AND NOW YOU TELL ME I GOTTA STOP MASTERB...... WHATS UP...SOMETHINGS GOTTA GIVE...AS I LOOK HER STRAIGHT IN THE EYE........She says look man if you don't stop master......I'm not going to give you your physical.................cough!

Don't Get Cabin Fever!
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 03-29-2010, 02:03 PM
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Canadians sure have a difference sense of humor!
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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 03-31-2010, 07:20 AM Thread Starter
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A man had always headache, 24/7.
He went to his doctor, but none cures makes effects.
A day the doctor said him: we can try another cure, we can cut your testicles.
- But cutting my testicles, will headache go out?
- Sure! But you will lose your testicles...
- I'm going crazy! The headache is killing me!

After testicles cutting, headache went out and the man was very happy.
A day he went in a shop to buy a briefs.
The clerk said him: OK, third size, am I right?
- No, I wear second size.
- Second size? Are you sure? I think you need a third size..
- No, no. I wear second size!
- Ok, here a second size for you. But warning: if you will wear a briefs too small, you will have a terrific headache!

Nobody thinks that something is so easy like who is totally unable to do it.

Kawasaki Versys 07 Orange
Ex Aprilia Pegaso 96 Blue
Ex Suzuki DR 350 91

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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-01-2010, 02:38 AM
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ha...ha....ha Good one dude.....can we have some more laugh


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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-03-2010, 01:24 PM
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Hey I enjoyed it.It was really great to read.I liked it.from where you have collected.It was really very funny.


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