and that's how it started...... - Kawasaki Versys Forum
Off Topic Discussions For all of your off topic talk and just general B.S. Jokes, funny stories, etc...

 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 08-21-2009, 09:58 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
scooter650's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: western canada (Ab)
Posts: 257
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
and that's how it started......

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing a gale, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And that's how the fight started ...

****

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's how the fight started ...

****

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realised I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too'

And that's how the fight started ...

****

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and Little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it ... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And that's how the fight started ...

****

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah,' I said, 'she can order for herself.'

And that's how the fight started ...

****

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And that's how the fight started .....

****

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started .......
scooter650 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 08-22-2009, 12:37 AM
Member
 
stlee29's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Bukit Mertajam,Penang,Malaysia
Posts: 3,188
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Good One(s), Scooter650.

The fights starts but I like the patching up that comes after this.

My V Blog:
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Ride safe,
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
stlee29 is offline  
post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 08-22-2009, 12:58 PM
Member
 
versysred's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Bridgeton, NJ
Posts: 304
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Send a message via AIM to versysred Send a message via Yahoo to versysred
Heard them before still a bit funny.
versysred is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Kawasaki Versys Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome