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post #1 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-20-2019, 10:34 AM Thread Starter
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Getting old, I guess

I have 3 kids. 19, 18 and 16. Anyone with kids that age understands the difficulty in getting them to... Accel at life? Whatever.

The second one just became the first to get a driver license. I'm not entirely sure how to feel about this. He took the family $#@!box jeep to his friend's house for the night, with the understanding he wouldn't be out messing around all night, and I guess I'm excited for him growing up... Sort of. I guess. I dunno.

Seems like he was a baby like, a couple days ago. What's with that?
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post #2 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-20-2019, 11:14 AM
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I understand. Having problems with my 17 year old grandson. With puberty came a loss of ambition, powerful nasty temper, bad grades and other issues.

My 32 year old nephew is a big time 'failure to launch' guy.

No wife
No kids (not that either these first two are requirements for a good life)
College dropout
No job skills (and I mean NONE)
Floats from job to job
He too didn't get his driver's license until he was 18 or 19.

He wants to be an 'actor'. Guess what nephew...you're 32! The time to 'take your shot' was 1/2 your life ago! As far as trying to make it in show business, you're a senior citizen!
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post #3 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-20-2019, 11:42 AM
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I can only speak from one off experience, but each kid is different when they "mature". I knew my now wife when she went through all the stuff you talk about with her two sons. The first one did not finish high school and she figured he would be dead by 20 years old. Number 2 was OK, but a so-so student in college. Number one is now the father of 2, a great dad, has a very good job with Peets Coffee and homeowner. The start toward all of this did not begin until he was about 25, he is now 32. The second one got his act together in college, got a PhD in optical sciences, is married, and now has a high $ job for a name company in Seattle. My point is, I think kids just mature at very different ages and a lot of them do it MUCH later in life than a lot of us did. All you can do is be loving parents and try not to pull your hair out. Good luck to all of you that have 16-32 year old problems childs. Hang in there.
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post #4 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-21-2019, 02:22 PM Thread Starter
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So... Kid number 2, day 2 with license, got pulled over.

I have this thing where I don't appreciate certain forms of authority and tend to push limits. So, while I keep the registration current on my vehicles, I don't always put the stickers on. It's never been a problem for me, probably because I look like every fat white 40 something cop in America.

Different story for an 18yo male. He got sent home directly to get the sticker and registration. It's been in an envelope on the front of the refrigerator for the last 2 years.

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post #5 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-21-2019, 04:19 PM
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...Different story for an 18yo male. He got sent home directly to get the sticker and registration. It's been in an envelope on the front of the refrigerator for the last 2 years. ....
When I was 18 ( a VERY LONG time ago......), I seem to remember being stopped for an 'equipment-check' by the police at least ONCE every couple of days. Seems funny - but I see MANY vehicles w/ inoperative lights, etc, NOW - and the cops don't seem to care....
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post #6 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-21-2019, 05:56 PM
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I understand. Having problems with my 17 year old grandson. With puberty came a loss of ambition, powerful nasty temper, bad grades and other issues.

My 32 year old nephew is a big time 'failure to launch' guy.

No wife
No kids (not that either these first two are requirements for a good life)
College dropout
No job skills (and I mean NONE)
Floats from job to job
He too didn't get his driver's license until he was 18 or 19.

He wants to be an 'actor'. Guess what nephew...you're 32! The time to 'take your shot' was 1/2 your life ago! As far as trying to make it in show business, you're a senior citizen!
That's not too different from where I was at that age - no wife (although at that point I had a longtime girlfriend who I'm still with - we're getting married next year!), no kids (it just wasn't our path, we're both fine with that decision to this day). Through my 20's I had been a successful professional musician, but in my late 20's I was in an accident which led to nerve damage in my right hand, which meant no more supporting myself via music. Started driving a tractor trailer (which was fine, but not for me, and I stayed with it for way too long), but was still very, very focused on getting back to where I had been - I just couldn't accept that my dream career was over.

But it was. I finally accepted that, and went back to school in my late 30's, learned software engineering, and am very happy with my life, now. I should have gone back to school much, much sooner, but I needed to learn the hard way. He'll be ok - just try to impress upon him that no matter what else he does, as he continues to chase his dream, he has to find a way to put money aside for retirement. If he doesn't do that, he will regret it.
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post #7 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-21-2019, 07:58 PM
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Our kids will test our limits, and our patience. But they're still our child. And, though they won't admit it, they still need us! Thou they may disappoint us , we as parent cant fail them when they need us most.

I always tell my two girls this words : I am nothing but a trustee and a guide in your life and you are life itself. I will provide all I can for you, but if you screw up its your fault and you face it.

So far they are Okay.

I think end of the day it about knowing what efforts are worth it, and which ones backfire.
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post #8 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-21-2019, 11:46 PM
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wait 'till he gets his first DUI. see, I told ya driving with a headlight out is an instant bust

if I'm answering your question I assume the basic points have been addressed, such as: did you do a compression test? is it still on fire?
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post #9 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-22-2019, 10:01 AM
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It's a generational/society/PARENT thing.

I wrote a long tirade in response to this but decided not appropriate on a motorcycle site.

What I will say is that, as a teacher of 15+ years the kids today are raised to ALWAYS have an out. By their PARENTS and "the system". There is now ZERO accountability for kids and their actions. None, nada, zip! Students are graduating by the droves with a reading ability of an 8th grader or lower. They can't perform basic mathematics and have absolutely no interest in anything but cell phones, music and social life.

But we blame the kids too easily when the truth is the PARENTING! We have become a nation of adults that believe:

1) My kids would NEVER misbehave or do wrong...as their kids are the most nasty, foul-mouthed, disrespectful ones.
2) My kids shouldn't have to pay for school supplies or do anything beyond the classroom, that's what the school district and teachers are for.
3) When my kids are at school, they're NOT MY problem! (Yep, two separate parents on two separate occasions "explained" this to me.)
4) My kids are NEVER the instigators...while their kids are stirring up every hornet's nest possible.
5) I don't spoil my kids...as their kids have the newest iPhone, Nike shoes, clothing, snacks, soda - but NEVER any money for pencils, notebooks, or lunch money.
6) My kids are not allowed outside because there's a serial killer/child molester in every second house.
7) I don't raise my kids that way!...as your kids are acting "that way".
8) ETC...

My point is to look and analyze how you've raised your kids in a TOTALLY OBJECTIVE VIEW. I'm sure there are many things you could have done better AS WELL AS many things you did great but your children just didn't appreciate or grasp how to apply what you taught them.
I think today's generation of kids are VERY IMMATURE in their mindset...so you have to explain to them in that mindset!
Also...STOP BEING THEIR FRIEND!!! You are their PARENT! And until they're professional and on their own they are still your CHILDREN and should be treated as such. I only say this as I watch moms and dads constantly baby and befriend their children. This is hurting your kids more than helping. And I will argue, because I hear it all the time, that you definitely need to analyze YOURSELF and ADMIT TO YOURSELF that you MAY BE one of "those parents".
Children need guidance and structure no matter what age. Give it to them!!! They will fight you all the way but do not give in, remember again that you are not their friend, and get tough if you have to.
I guarantee most of us can think back to when mom or dad kicked our asses as those are the times we most remember! Why? Because they left an impression on us and WE LEARNED FROM THOSE TIMES!!!

(My personal experience...and probably THE BEST THING my dad did was, after high school I was messing around - half assing community college - and dad says, "You're going to scrape, sand and repaint the house...or you can get out!". I busted my ass on that house, hated every minute of it, but learned some VALUABLE LESSONS! And most important...it gave me that kick in the pants to get my life going so I joined the Army.)

I could go on and on...

Suffice it to say, I have no children of my own. You can rationalize that "I wouldn't understand" and I concede. But what you may not understand is that I am on the outside looking in.

My solution...sit your kids down, individually or together, explain to them your expectations and, if they don't accept they are free to try things on their own. You HAVE TO be firm but fair but you are the PARENT! The 16 year old, obviously, is still under your control but the 19 and 18 year olds...they're old enough to serve in the military and smoke cigarettes so they're old enough to start out on their own. If you continue to helicopter over them and give them an out you're only delaying their "growing up".

Not trying to be an azzhat but I'm telling it like I see it.


***Edit to add...Teach them how to ride and wrench on a motorcycle! Because this is a motorcycle forum so now my post is, technically, motorcycle-related!

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post #10 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-22-2019, 12:06 PM
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Yes, raising children is a blessing and a curse.

Why did my mom have to say "I hope you have a child just like you!"?
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post #11 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-22-2019, 12:10 PM
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It's a generational/society/PARENT thing.


But we blame the kids too easily when the truth is the PARENTING! We have become a nation of adults that believe:


Absolutely. My wife asked this question the other day. "Why are kids today so self centered?" "Why do they have so much spare time that they can contemplate what sex they identify with today?"

I told her the kids are product of their upbringing. It is society and parents that are changing.
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post #12 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-22-2019, 08:02 PM
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[QUOTE=Devilsfan;1624595]It's a generational/society/PARENT thing.

I wrote a long tirade in response to this but decided not appropriate on a motorcycle site.

What I will say is that, as a teacher of 15+ years the kids today are raised to ALWAYS have an out. By their PARENTS and "the system". There is now ZERO accountability for kids and their actions. None, nada, zip! Students are graduating by the droves with a reading ability of an 8th grader or lower. They can't perform basic mathematics and have absolutely no interest in anything but cell phones, music and social life.

Absolutely spot on. Parents are the problem , basically because they don't have the time for the kids. Go to a restaurant and see , how a family is lock on with hand phones with no communication at all.
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post #13 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-23-2019, 06:41 AM
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IMO kids have been "lazy and stupid" for as long as there's been kids. And parents have been failing to "raise them properly" for just as long. There's nothing new or wrong about "these days", it's just the generation gap. The distractions change, the problems remain, the world keeps on turning somehow.
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post #14 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-23-2019, 06:56 AM
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[quote=Fastoman;1624641]
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Originally Posted by Devilsfan View Post
Go to a restaurant and see, how a family is locked in with handphones with no communication at all.
I was touring on my V two weeks ago. Stopped at an ice cream and snack place with outdoor seating, a scenic place. A family of four sat down at a table with their snacks. All four got on their phones individually and never spoke a word to each other or looked around at the scenery.

If that's modern family life no wonder we have such a disjointed society. I am fortunate to have had my children grow up before mobile phones. We talked around the table when we ate together. My daughter and son are both successful adults, relief for us not to worry about them.
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post #15 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-23-2019, 08:58 AM
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IMO kids have been "lazy and stupid" for as long as there's been kids. And parents have been failing to "raise them properly" for just as long. There's nothing new or wrong about "these days", it's just the generation gap. The distractions change, the problems remain, the world keeps on turning somehow.

Yes, I agree to a point. I know my parents always said, "The youth of today is deteriorating!", just like many of us are saying now.

But I think my main issue is that, really analyzing the kids today...it IS the PARENTS! Like many stated above, go to any restaurant. EVERYONE has their cell phones out! Some of these restaurants now have little "Pay-at-the-Table" computers that also have pay-for-play video games while you eat. And there's their kids playing away. No conversations, no expected behaviors, no manners.

Not only that, as teachers we are constantly blamed for everything. I know there are some bad teachers, I get it. But 99% of teachers are actually pretty good. (You only hear about the bad ones and those stories get amplified, obviously.)
There's a movement that's starting to take hold right now regarding why there's so few teachers. Teachers are leaving the profession, or not wanting to get into it at all. All the media and politicians claim it's the lack of pay. Every article you'll read mentions the low salary. TRUTH BE TOLD...that's not it at all!!!
The TRUTH is teachers are so fed up with the behavior of students - we're being physically threatened, we have elementary school kids screaming swear words at us, the MAJORITY of our students do NOTHING!!! Teachers spend most of the day trying to get the classroom quiet, seriously!
Many have blasted me telling me I don't know how to run a classroom. I challenge them to come on in!
It got so bad last year that I had 2 parents come in and sit IN THE CLASSROOM while I taught. They were, literally, sitting right there among the students and when class was over they were appalled!!!
Kids will behave according to how they're raised. But again, all I ever hear is that, "It's not MY kid!". YES, IT IS!!!

Ask your child's school if you can come in and observe their classroom to see how kids behave. I guarantee, the things you'll hear just walking down the hallway during transition will have you aghast! 6th graders telling the girls to suck their..., boys rubbing up on girls and making out right in front of teachers, etc...
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post #16 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-23-2019, 09:38 AM
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Yes, I agree to a point. I know my parents always said, "The youth of today is deteriorating!", just like many of us are saying now.
Yes, that's what my parents said all the time: "I don't know what's going to happen to the world led by these kids!".

Quote:
But I think my main issue is that, really analyzing the kids today...it IS the PARENTS! Like many stated above, go to any restaurant. EVERYONE has their cell phones out! Some of these restaurants now have little "Pay-at-the-Table" computers that also have pay-for-play video games while you eat. And there's their kids playing away. No conversations, no expected behaviors, no manners.
Well, I heard that too back in the 80's. I couldn't get off my richer friends' video-games and 'commodore' 1st gen computers. That took me into a free-tuition Engineering degree, two master degrees and landed me a great job. I could buy my own house (a simple one but paid in full), car and motorcycle (yeah!) before I was 25. I'm not here to brag, just saying that the world changes and who knows what the future will be. Perhaps that's the way...not right or wrong but just different.

Keep an open mind mate! Peace.
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post #17 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-23-2019, 09:52 AM Thread Starter
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Yeah, so anyway... My car insurance price just tripled for adding a new driver.
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post #18 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-24-2019, 08:28 AM
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Yeah, so anyway... My car insurance price just tripled for adding a new driver.

HAHAHA!!!

And that's another thing, adding kids to your insurance THESE DAYS will force you to sell your house to afford the costs!
Let me tell you what I think............
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post #19 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-24-2019, 01:25 PM
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Yeah, so anyway... My car insurance price just tripled for adding a new driver.
It's cheaper (and better) to have them get their own insurance.
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post #20 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-24-2019, 05:18 PM
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I have no childeren and I'm still getting old!

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