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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-12-2012, 05:38 PM Thread Starter
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Aircraft check sheet

Subject: Qantas in the air again





After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; documenttheir repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight. They also have a sense of humour, here are some examples of gripes and responses

Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Something loose in cockpit.
Something tightened in cockpit.

Dead bugs on windshield.
Live bugs on back-order.

Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Evidence removed.

DME volume unbelievably loud.
DME volume set to more believable level.

Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
That's what friction locks are for.

IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Suspected crack in windshield.
Suspect you're right.

Engine missing.
Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Aircraft handles funny .
Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly properly and be serious.

Target radar hums.
Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Mouse in cockpit.
Cat installed.

Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Confiscated hammer from midget.
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-12-2012, 06:04 PM
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LOL!

I first saw this email going around and was said they were gripe sheets for the Air Force. I was a US Navy Jet Mechanic on F-14's back in the early 90's. We had gripe sheets but could not have written up the repairs with such humor. We may have commented verbally, but never in writing. Good times!
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-12-2012, 06:25 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Capn Kirk View Post
LOL!

I first saw this email going around and was said they were gripe sheets for the Air Force. I was a US Navy Jet Mechanic on F-14's back in the early 90's. We had gripe sheets but could not have written up the repairs with such humor. We may have commented verbally, but never in writing. Good times!
You can comment like that if you work for an Australian airline.
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-12-2012, 06:27 PM
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Originally Posted by kiwi 41 View Post
Subject: Qantas in the air again

Suspected crack in windshield.
Suspect you're right.



It definitely sounds better with an Aussie accent.
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-12-2012, 06:31 PM Thread Starter
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It definitely sounds better with an Aussie accent.
Just needs a mate on the end of the sentence
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-12-2012, 08:05 PM
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You can comment like that if you work for an Australian airline.
You make a good point but since when do airlines use targeting radar?
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-12-2012, 10:45 PM
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I wrote up a snag on a C130 once. This snag could NOT be duplicated on the ground UNLESS the aircraft was 'jacked' so the gear was off the ground. I went for a coffee (just several minutes, to find the aircraft - same place, NOT jacked,) and the log-book notated: GROUND CHECKED SERVICEABLE.

Took out MY pen and wrote: AIR-CHECKED UNSERVICEABLE.

There's more to my story, but it got fixed.

Ed
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-12-2012, 11:19 PM Thread Starter
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Now that is funny Eddie
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-19-2012, 03:51 PM
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You make a good point but since when do airlines use targeting radar?
They don't use IFF (Identification Friend or Foe), either.

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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-20-2012, 01:39 PM
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They don't use IFF (Identification Friend or Foe), either.
Well, maybe Aussie aircraft are secretly dual-purpose. When not hauling folks around the sky they're used by the military for aerial fun and games, or vice-versa. Certainly would save a few $$$$.

Or maybe they target one another now and then just for fun, and to hone evasive maneuvering skills. Or maybe they use IFF so the Kiwis don't shoot them down. Then again, maybe not. You just never know with Aussies do you?

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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-20-2012, 06:27 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arion View Post
.

Or maybe they use IFF so the Kiwis don't shoot them down. Then again, maybe not. You just never know with Aussies do you?
Hahahahaha, i just picking myself off the floor, NZ shooting down lol, we dont have an airforce and have skyhawks that have been sitting on ground so long they are going to musuems, the rules the united states gave when NZ tried to sell them meant we could not sell them.

We have no force in our airforce but search/rescue we good as we have a huge amount of sea to patrol. We better not p off the Aussies to much as we need their airforce and that is why their commercial planes are use as a duel role to protect little brother NZ.
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-20-2012, 11:36 PM
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Hahahahaha, i just picking myself off the floor, NZ shooting down lol, we dont have an airforce and have skyhawks that have been sitting on ground so long they are going to musuems, the rules the united states gave when NZ tried to sell them meant we could not sell them.

We have no force in our airforce but search/rescue we good as we have a huge amount of sea to patrol. We better not p off the Aussies to much as we need their airforce and that is why their commercial planes are use as a duel role to protect little brother NZ.
Hey kiwi 41: I've been to your military museum in Aukland... seems to me there's a WW2 Japanese Zero hanging from the ceiling....

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