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post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 12:24 AM Thread Starter
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Talking Canadians: Build a Fence!

The Manitoba Herald, Canada
"Reported" by Clive Runnels

Canadians: Build a Fence!"

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota . The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn't give any milk.

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves." A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age." an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies.
"I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
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post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 06:00 AM
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When I read that I kept thinking, "Those poor cows...."


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post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 06:16 AM
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Snow fences are practical too, eh?
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post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 06:46 AM
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How did you enjoy the "nice little cabernet" Bob? Good read and a better laugh. Now get your damn liberals out of my country, we got beer to drink, pills to take and some good old fashioned bitch'n to do eh!

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post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 08:23 AM
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Hopefully, this is a joke

Otherwise, it's very insulting in so many way



LOP
eastern canadian
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post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 08:38 AM
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Oh my God that was funny!!!!!!!!
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post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 11:42 AM
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Add me to the "Oh my God that was funny" list. And yes, it's certainly a joke.

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post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 12:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lours_Polaire View Post
Hopefully, this is a joke

Otherwise, it's very insulting in so many way
Looks like everyone is a target in that joke so it's OK, we can all laugh...provided we are able to laugh at ourselves.


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post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 02:23 PM
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It works on so many levels.

I got a good snicker out of it. Thanks.
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post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 03:12 PM
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If you didn't think at least some part of that was funny, you take yourself waaaaay too seriously.
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post #11 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 03:38 PM
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Asway ethay eethray oogesstay ouldway aysay. Ixnay ethay
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orfay away otorcyclemay orumfay. Andway esidesbay itway
ividesday eoplepay.

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post #12 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 04:02 PM
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I for one am deeply offended. I've tried organic vegetables once and just the other day had a bottled water on a trip when I couldn't find a drinking fountain.
Oh well, I do remember Myron Florenon the accordian, so I should be able to sneak in
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post #13 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 05:03 PM
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Way funny eh
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post #14 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 05:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Buckeye View Post
. . . just the other day had a bottled water on a trip when I couldn't find a drinking fountain. . . .
HI Buckeye,

Bottled water and no drinking fountain reminded me of an "incident" long, long ago when my brother and I were very young. We were travelling cross country in the 50s with my parents and, along the way, stopped to visit Rock City near Chattanooga, TN. The tour exit was through the gift shop and, because we were too young to be interested in trinkets, my brother and I walked outside to the gravel parking lot. While standing on the porch we spotted a huge rock with two water fountains set into it. There was a large sign that read "White." We examined and tasted the water and we decided it was, I suppose you could say, white.
To the left there was a smaller rock with one water fountain that had a sign that read "Colored." We turned on the faucet and the water looked just the same as the white water so we decided to taste it to see if it was better than "regular" water. We were in the process of doing just that when our parents came out to find a crowd pointing and whispering and watching us in horror. I don't believe we've ever been hustled off to the car faster than we were that day.
It took us years to figure out what we had done that was so "wrong." Ah, the innocense of children. Still, some people will think this story is funny, while some might be offended.

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post #15 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 05:34 PM
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NO GIVE BACKS! The Great White North can have them! Soon they'll say The Great White North is a racist nick name and start demanding it be changed and illegal to utter.

Feed them to the polar bears! Since they got them on the endangered species list. I never understood that, the population is far higher than it was 20 years ago.

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post #16 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 06:43 PM
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Going to move to Manitoba just to subscribe to the Herald. Now thats a good story...Probably made the front page in Manitoba, and rightly so!

SOOO funny! Needed a good laugh today. One of "them" days.


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post #17 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 06:49 PM
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I sure we have some of those people escaping into Canada here, the ones who want to charge farmers a tax when there cows fart (damage to environment due to methane)and this is not a joke
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post #18 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 07:59 PM
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Ok, just so we're all clear on this CANADA IS CLOSED to all hippies, liberals, tree huggers, protesters, granola eaters and generally anyone who wears patches on thier elbows. We have enough of our own.

Now have a merry chritsmas.

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post #19 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 08:28 PM
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I thought you guys were serious....

anyway have a Merry Christmas.

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post #20 of 26 (permalink) Old 12-16-2010, 10:33 PM Thread Starter
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Ho ho ho...ha ha ha

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
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