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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-05-2010, 09:59 AM Thread Starter
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Versys English Paper

Okay, heads up, when God, Ala, Budda, the Good Fairy, or whomever was handing out writing skills I was passed up. I feel bad that I have written a sub par paper about something I enjoy so much, but at least it is just a draft. If anyone feels like it, please review, critique, shred, etc. what I have written below and don't worry, you won't hurt my feelings. I'm quite sure that my technical data (the little of it) might be wrong and that y'all might be able to offer some insight. The conclusion of the paper is...lacking, the paper in general is lacking...and I can't think of a title. Once again, thank goodness this is a draft! Thanks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When looking for a motorcycle there are many styles and types to choose from. Though for the budget-minded or those who prefer a year-round daily rider the requirement of a motorcycle becomes more demanding. To meet this request a motorcycle must be simple, cost efficient, and capable of handling various road conditions. While different motorcycles can fulfill this task, one highly overlooked machine not only meets, but excels at this: the Kawasaki Versys.



The Kawasaki Versys design is kept basic with a 650cc engine, electronic fuel injection, slightly shorter wheelbase, and a taller than average height. This setup helps provide a platform of reliability not associated with other motorcycles or manufacturers attempts with new technology. By maintaining this motorcycle design, the manufacturer is able to keep the initial purchase price below $8000. The Versys model line has also changed very little since its introduction in 2006; only the cosmetics, an ABS option, and substituted rubber mounts in key positions on the bike have been altered. All of these changes, argueably, do not enhance the reliability nor performance of this motorcycle.



Due to the entry level price and the design of this motorcycle, the work required to maintain this machine is minimal. Even the most novice of mechanics can easily work on the motorcycle without the requirement of specific tools or specialized training. Since the platform of the bike has not changed drastically, one can also use replacement parts from other model years without hesitation. By using the owners manual and taking advantage of online support, there is no reason for this motorcycle to ever require a professional mechanics assistance or labor cost. All of these factors help keep the lifetime cost of the Versys within a practical range.



The name Versys, shortened for versatile system, is properly suited for this motorcycle. While the Versys does not excel in one specific task, it is a motorcycle built to perform well in all tasks. In stock form, the motorcycle can easily handle commuting, touring, backroads and racing within reason. With slight modifications, this motorcycle is capable of handling anything from extreme off-roading to track racing. A term applied in the motorcyce community to this bike is "adventure touring", meaning a motorcycle that can easily handle different tasks and still provide rider comfort along the way.



The Kawasaki Versys is the best all around motorcycle due to its simplistic design, cost efficiency, and varrying capabilities. Grouping these qualities together, coupled with a low purchase price, the Versys sets a new standard for motorcycles that others simply can not reach.

2009 GREEN Kawasaki Versys


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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-05-2010, 10:03 AM
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A great summary! No need to apologize about writing skills.
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-05-2010, 10:12 AM
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Actually it's pretty good - fairly short and to the point. I think the last sentence is too strong, and "best all around" is in the context of the first paragraph: "simple, cost efficient, and capable of handling various road conditions". It sets a standard for motorcycles meeting those criteria.

One other point - not only can one use replacement parts from other model years, but one can use many replacement parts from other Kawa models - period. That's very handy because the V is somewhat rare.

OK, have fun!

Someday is not a day of the week.
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-05-2010, 10:13 AM
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Good write up...

Although you can write 1 million more things about the Versys, one element is clearly missing... The FUN it is to ride it!!!...

Just my 2 cents...
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-05-2010, 03:18 PM
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I am nit picking with regards to grammar, and hopefully not coming across as too much of an a**.
you feel "badly"
"from which to choose"
no comma after a list before "and"
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-05-2010, 03:48 PM
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Since writing is how I put food on the table, allow me to offer a few basic edits and suggestions.
  • The fourth paragraph made more sense to me as the second paragraph so I moved it up there.
  • Whenever possible, use examples to support your claims. I added a reference to www.kawasakiversys.com as an example of online support.
  • Try to avoid using superlatives like "never" or "always" or "best" that will make a critical reader wonder how you reached that conclusion, especially if you offer no evidence.
  • I tightened up some sentence structures to smooth out the flow of ideas and changed some word forms ("Adventure tourer" because what follows is "a motorcycle" and "simple" because "simplistic" implies overly simple).
  • I tracked my changes so you can see what changes I made. You will need to make your own edits so it's your work, but feel free to consider incorporating the changes I recommended if you agree.

Bones
Attached Files
File Type: pdf Versys essay edits.pdf (894.5 KB, 82 views)


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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-05-2010, 03:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bones View Post
Since writing is how I put food on the table, allow me to offer a few basic edits and suggestions.
  • The fourth paragraph made more sense to me as the second paragraph so I moved it up there.
  • Whenever possible, use examples to support your claims. I added a reference to www.kawasakiversys.com as an example of online support.
  • Try to avoid using superlatives like "never" or "always" or "best" that will make a critical reader wonder how you reached that conclusion, especially if you offer no evidence.
  • I tightened up some sentence structures to smooth out the flow of ideas and changed some word forms ("Adventure tourer" because what follows is "a motorcycle" and "simple" because "simplistic" implies overly simple).
  • I tracked my changes so you can see what changes I made. You will need to make your own edits so it's your work, but feel free to consider incorporating the changes I recommended.

Bones
very generous!





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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-05-2010, 03:52 PM
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very generous!

Just one motorcyclist coming to another's aid.

Pass it forward.


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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-05-2010, 04:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bones View Post
Since writing is how I put food on the table, allow me to offer a few basic edits and suggestions.
  • The fourth paragraph made more sense to me as the second paragraph so I moved it up there.
  • Whenever possible, use examples to support your claims. I added a reference to www.kawasakiversys.com as an example of online support.
  • Try to avoid using superlatives like "never" or "always" or "best" that will make a critical reader wonder how you reached that conclusion, especially if you offer no evidence.
  • I tightened up some sentence structures to smooth out the flow of ideas and changed some word forms ("Adventure tourer" because what follows is "a motorcycle" and "simple" because "simplistic" implies overly simple).
  • I tracked my changes so you can see what changes I made. You will need to make your own edits so it's your work, but feel free to consider incorporating the changes I recommended if you agree.

Bones

Ha, that's the approach I would have if it was photograph.
Nice edit.



P.S.
English is my third language, forgive my mistakes.
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-05-2010, 04:27 PM
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Ha, that's the approach I would have if it was photograph.
Nice edit.



P.S.
English is my third language, forgive my mistakes.
Ivan I'm jealous as only speak 1.5 language's, English and kiwi haha

Bill will not comment on paper as i left school at 15 apart from the fact i enjoyed it, Bones what a great help you are, well done The principle here anything for a motorbike rider especially Versys riders
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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-05-2010, 04:35 PM
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I am not an English teacher, but I am a High School teacher. All teachers are required in Florida to grade writing skills using a 5 point rubric. I would grade it a 4 out of 5. I agree the conclusion was weak, but very well done. You should see some of the papers I have to grade. You would be a star pupil.
Bones critique and changes are great! No wonder that is how he "puts food on the table."

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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-05-2010, 07:17 PM
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Helmet's off to Bones! Nicely edited nicely.

Someday is not a day of the week.
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-05-2010, 07:43 PM
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Helmet's off to Bones! Nicely edited nicely.
Yep think that is really cool to, Well done mr Bones, feel a group hug coming on. What makes this a great forum is great people
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-05-2010, 11:41 PM Thread Starter
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Wow, thanks for the support all! Really impressive, especially you Mr. Bones! Can't say enough about that!

Yeah, the conclusion is crap I know. I ran out of time and a proper way to blend it all in. Thank goodness it is just a draft and I still have time to work on it. I kept on going back and forth about the paragraphs and how it all actually blends together in subject matter...it just didn't seem to flow well to me. I also ran out of ideas/what to say. Wish I had some of those excellent drafting and editing skills that Bones has...all in good time though...I'll be there one day.

Bones, I noticed you cut out a lot of fluff which is good, you also improved on proper Versys mechanics, even better, though I noticed that you left in the original model year as 2006...did I guesstimate right on this?

Org123, I like knowing even the smallest of mistakes that I make! Anyone else please feel free to correct me at anytime! The English language has always been a battle for me, one day I'll get it though. Then again, maybe I should just move to South America. I hear they have some nice roads down there.

Yes, the people who make up this forum truly are the best! I offer this thread as a small piece of evidence.

2009 GREEN Kawasaki Versys


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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-06-2010, 12:08 AM
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Bill, Your writing skills are better than you think.

Bones, That was darned nice of you.
.

~~ Live Like You're Dying ~~
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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-06-2010, 06:54 AM
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Bill, 2006 was the year the Versys was introduced in Europe. In 2007 it found its way to Canada and in 2008 it found its way to the USA. To dig up other interesting details, try searching our website...I hear it's a great resource. Scroll down the home page, for example, and there is a helpful introduction to the model. On any of the main forum pages, there are "sticky" threads that typically address high-level topics. There is some useful background at Motorcycle Daily and on Kawasaki's website. Remember to identify your sources.

If you have any specific questions, post them here or shoot me a PM. I am genuinely glad to help a student of the English language.


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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-06-2010, 07:12 AM
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Bill, Your writing skills are better than you think.

Bones, That was darned nice of you.
.
+10

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