Have you ever completely F’d up a motorcycle Farkel project to the point where you just want to rip it off your bike and run it over with your truck?
Sure, it all starts off great. The bike is sitting in the garage and you log on to the internet to find all those little goodies that you can add to jus t make it perfect. You seek, identify, and ask questions. Then you work hard, scrimp & save, and damn sure don’t tell the wife until she hands you your package with that “Seriously?” look on her face. “Well I’m gonna go shopping too!” she exclaims. “Sure honey, I’ll just be in the garage” you say with that smirk on your face.
You open the box and remove the tape and bubble wrap with the same delicate care you would use holding a new born. Ahhhh….Just look at it! Shiny and new, perfect just as you’d hoped. It smells good doesn’t it? Smells like bike parts which is something all men should experience.
Relax…grab a coke…have smoke if you like. Now let’s get to work:
Instructions: Umm…..they’re in German? What? “Never mind!” you exclaim with annoyance, there are pictures, “I’ll just figure it out.”
We’re not going to [email protected]
$$ anything here are we? Nope! Calm, cool, collected we work and get it all put together.
Time for a test: Hummm? “It’s slipping, and that is rubbing on that” you say to yourself with a puzzled look.
Time to log on to the internet: “ …. I had to buy a __ …Just drill a hole in__ …you need to file…. It worked Great!” –“Now I have plan” you say whilst doing all the on-the-fly Engineering calcs in your head.
Now it’s off to the hardware store to buy $20.00 worth of stuff they don’t have; that you do, but can’t find. Please accept the fact that what you bought won’t work, you won’t use it, and it’s too much of a pain in the @$$ to return, so you’ll just end up keeping it.
Implement the solution: Remember, no [email protected]
$$’n anything! Measure thrice…center punch….drill a pilot hole….drill…drill…SNAP! “UHT-OH”…Wha Happon? Well…it just so happens that your pilot drill broke off completely flush with the material that you were drilling. To further complicate matters, your hole needs to go exactly where you measured 3 (adjective here)times for it to be. Sorry, it can’t go up, and it can’t go down. And no, it can’t go left or right. It has to go right (adjective here) there. Right were we have a freshly broken drill bit.
“This God ___ (adjective here)German piece of __ “ you growl.
Get out the pliers: …Mar…gouge…scratch. “ That’s ok, it’ll be cover by the__.” But you still can’t get it out. (Need a pointy thing) “Where is the?....I’ll just use the Awl.” Hummm….? Awl not working, need a hammer.
tap..tap..tap. Bang, Bang.Bang! Awl is no longer useable for any further purpose built projects. Now in junk drawer. You finally find the drift punch you couldn’t find that made you use the awl that’s now bent which happened to be right behind the rear tire all along.
Bang..Bang…Bang. Whack! You now have a dent that won’t be covered by the __. “
This God ___ (adjective here)German piece of __ “ you growl once again.
Finally! After an hour and a half you get it out. You drill the next hole and bolt it on. “[email protected]
#%! Wasn’t that a pain in the @$$?” you say to yourself.
Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but you still have the other side to do you poor Bastard.
Measure thrice…center punch….drill. “Um? How do I get a drill in there with that in the way?” you say to yourself (puzzled once again.)
Time to log on to the internet: “…Just get a__ …. use a self-tapping__ …you need to take off_ it worked Great!” – “now I have a plan” you say with trepidation.
With the specter of side A still fresh in your mind, you proceed on Side B with all due caution. CAREFUL..drill CAREFULL..drill CAREFUL..snap.
-Broke off flush didn’t it chief?
Get out the pliers: …Mar…gouge…scratch. “That’s ok, it’ll be covered by the__”
Bang..Bang…Bang. Whack! You now have scratch that won’t be covered by the __. “
This God ___ (adjective here)German piece of __ “
Then the wife pulls into the driveway just as you are finishing. After spending all of your remaining money at the mall, she says “How’s it going?” Gazing back at your marred, gouged, and scratched freshly farkeled Taco Wagon; you say ….“fine.”