Joke Time - Kawasaki Versys Forum
Off Topic Discussions For all of your off topic talk and just general B.S. Jokes, funny stories, etc...

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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 03:03 PM Thread Starter
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Joke Time


2009 Blue Versys.
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I'm not a Gynecologist. "But I'll Take A Look"

Everyone has a plan 'till they get punched in the mouth...
Mike Tyson

"Ya'll can go to hell, I'm goin' to Texas!"...Davey Crockett
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 03:45 PM
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A lady is talking to her lady friends in the lunch room at work.

"Dammit", she says, "my husband brought me a bouquet of flowers. Now I'll be on my back with my legs spread for a week."

"Why?" asks the office dimwit, "don't you have a vase?"
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 07:59 PM Thread Starter
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What does Michael Jackson a Priest and K-Mart have in common............................ {Little Boys Pants Half Off }

2009 Blue Versys.
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I'm not a Gynecologist. "But I'll Take A Look"

Everyone has a plan 'till they get punched in the mouth...
Mike Tyson

"Ya'll can go to hell, I'm goin' to Texas!"...Davey Crockett
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 07:15 AM
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What is the one and only redeeming characteristic paedophiles have in common?

They drive slowly through school zones.
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 10:10 AM
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What does Michael Jackson a Priest and K-Mart have in common............................ {Little Boys Pants Half Off }
When Michael Jackson was in front of the court for the second time regarding his activities with little boys, the judge said; "you keep this sh.t up, and we're going to giving you your own parish!"
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2009 Versys (Mine's Green)
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 03:15 PM
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What would you call the Easter bunny IF he had a "social disease"...?

Peter Rotten-Tail...!
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'08 V - BIG RED - AZ, '15 V650LT - the GREEN HORNET TOO - BC, and ('09 V - the GREEN HORNET - recently deceased..
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My Versys trip to D2D 2013, June '13

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My Versys trip to D2D 2015, June '15

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My Versys trip to D2D 2016, June '16

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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 06:36 PM
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What does Michael Jackson a Priest and K-Mart have in common............................ {Little Boys Pants Half Off }

Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. The first one says "I've never come this way before"; the second one replies "Must be the cobbles"



Sent from Motorcycle.com Free App
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-26-2017, 11:37 PM
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Me too! Smile and share a joke.

Free Market at work . A store that sells new husbands has opened in Melbourne , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-02-2017, 12:32 PM
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Everybody Knows Bob! A guy is walking around town with his friend Bob and everybody they meet says Hi Bob. His friends says that Bob knows a lot of people and Bob says "I know everybody". His friend says "no you don't" Bob says yes, I even know the Pope. The guy disagrees so they fly to Italy and go to the Vatican and Bob goes inside. Then he comes out on the upper patio arm and arm with the Pope. He looks down in the courtyard and sees that his friend has fainted, so he runs down. When his friend comes to he says "did you faint when you saw me with the Pope?" The friend says " No, I fainted when the guy next to me says Who's That Guy with Bob?"
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Forty years away from 2 wheel fun. Sure is great to be back smelling the roses!!!
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-03-2017, 11:45 AM Thread Starter
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Ducks In Heaven......

Three women die together in an accident
And go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says,
'We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don't step on the ducks!'
So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
There are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
And although they try their best to avoid them,
The first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
Spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
The next day,
The second woman steps accidentally on a duck
And along comes St. Peter,
Who doesn't miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together
With the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and,
Not wanting to be chained
For all eternity to an ugly man, is very,
VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months
Without stepping on any ducks,
then
One day St.Peter comes up to her
With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
.... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says,
'I wonder what I did to deserve being
Chained to you for all of eternity?'
The guy says,
'I don't know about you,
But I stepped on a
Duck.

2009 Blue Versys.
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I'm not a Gynecologist. "But I'll Take A Look"

Everyone has a plan 'till they get punched in the mouth...
Mike Tyson

"Ya'll can go to hell, I'm goin' to Texas!"...Davey Crockett
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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-03-2017, 04:08 PM
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very offensive (I hope!)

This is sure to piss off some, but I don't care- it is in off-topics and can't be any worse that the political rants that I see here.

After all these years researchers have found out why Hitler committed suicide: he got the gas bill.

A hipster happens upon the crucifixion scene, looks up at JC and says "Dude, who did your nails?"

Don't say that I didn't warn you!
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-03-2017, 04:13 PM
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Read carefully between the lines:

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'"

''Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count;

“1" “2" “3" “4” "5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, parts of Georgia, Missouri, West Virginia, and Newfoundland.
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-03-2017, 04:20 PM
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I came home after having a great ride on my Versys today.

The wife had left a note on the refrigerator: "IT'S NOT WORKING, I can't take it anymore!! Gone to stay with my mother."

I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold...
What the f*ck was is she talking about?


I've got lots more if you want them!
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-03-2017, 05:35 PM Thread Starter
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A guy picks up a woman at a bar and they go back to his place

They start making out hot and heavy

Both rip off their clothes

She closes her eyes arches her back

Then yells out Give me 12 inches and hurt me

The guy looks puzzled for a minute

Then he gives her 6 twice and hits her in the head with a brick

2009 Blue Versys.
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I'm not a Gynecologist. "But I'll Take A Look"

Everyone has a plan 'till they get punched in the mouth...
Mike Tyson

"Ya'll can go to hell, I'm goin' to Texas!"...Davey Crockett
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-04-2017, 06:05 PM
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Guys - I KNOW this is the "Off Topics Discussion" Forum, but these are getting VERY close to being OVER THE LINE.

Please do a little "self-moderating".

Ed
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'08 V - BIG RED - AZ, '15 V650LT - the GREEN HORNET TOO - BC, and ('09 V - the GREEN HORNET - recently deceased..
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My Versys trip to D2D 2013, June '13

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My Versys trip to D2D 2015, June '15

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My Versys trip to D2D 2016, June '16

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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 07:31 AM
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During a long rain delay, the baseball announcer filled in some time by sharing baseball trivia with his colour man.

"Know who hit the most home runs between 1955 and 1975?
I’ll tell you: Hank Araron."

"Know who hit the most RBI’s between 1955 and 1975?
Hank Aaron."

"And who got hit on the chin with the most balls between 1955 and 1975?"

“Hank Aaron?“ ventured the colour commentator.

“Nope,” said the announcer, “Liberace.”
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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 08:43 AM
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WHY ETHEL CHANGED MOTELS

Ethel checked into a motel on her 65th Birthday, she was lonely, a little depressed at her advancing age so decided to risk an adventure.
She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo.
He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs
and she felt quite certain she could bounce a dime off his well-oiled buns .......

She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.

"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?"

Oh my, he sounded so sexy!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go at it all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready! Now how does that sound?"

He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
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